JOKES PAGE #2
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Pinocchio
Joke Pinocchio has been complaining rampantly about his luck with the ladies. "Whenever I attempt to make love to women, they complain about splinters," he cries. His father takes pity on his son and gives him a piece of sandpaper to sand his knob down whenever he needs to. "So how are the girls?" he asks. "Girls?" replies Pinocchio, "Who needs girls?!" How do you reunite the four Beatles? Three bullets |
| Fun Lovin Criminals
Joke Here's a joke Huey told at the FLC gig; a drunk man walks into a bar with his dog and stumbles up to the counter. "Bartender, a bottle of whiskey please!" The bartender looks at the man and says, "I'll give you the whiskey but you can't drink it here, no dogs allowed!" So the bartender gives the man a bottle but sends him out. An hour later, the drunk stumbles in, "Bartender, bartender, you'll never believe what I just did!!! I BLEW CHUNKS!" "Well I'm not surprised," replies the bartender, naturally, "you drank that whole bottle of whiskey yourself." :"No, no you don't understand," declares the drunk, "Chunks is my dog!" |
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Here's a second joke he told: A man
walks into a bar (deja vu) and sits at a stool by the counter. He puts his hand
forward to eat a peanut when suddenly, a peanut jumps up, BING! and declares,
"Hey there handsome!"
"My god, you'll never believe what just happened!
These peanuts are talking to me!" nobody seems to be listening to the man as he
takes another look at the peanuts.
BING! Another peanut springs to life and
claims, "You're the most handsome looking guy whose been in here all
night!"
By now the man is stunned. "Bartender! bartender! I wish to buy
these peanuts!"
"You can't buy these peanuts," explains the
bartender.
"Why not?"
"These peanuts are complimentary."
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Some Wife Jokes What's the difference between your penis and your paycheck? You can always count on your wife to blow your paycheck. What's the difference between your wife and your job? Your job still sucks after the first month. What does WIFE stand for? Washing, ironing, f*#@*ing,Etc. *Ladies, please send any complaints into Maxim Magazines, FHM or anyone of my filthy minded friends. NOT ME!!!! |
| The car
crash A young yuppie couple are driving around a cliff road in their new sports car. The young woman is standing screaming, "go faster, go faster!" The man is by now getting a little annoyed. "I can't go any faster or I'll go off the road," he argues. "Honey," please the young woman, "If you go faster, I'll take my clothes off." So the man steps on it and soon his girlfriend is hanging out the window, naked. But the man can't keep control and the car goes flying off the cliff. The girl is flung out and lands unharmed but her boyfriend is left in the banged up car. "Aaarrrgghhhh, honey," cries out the man. "I'm stuck. You must go find help!" "But, but... I'm completely nude!" replies his paniced girlfriend. The man sees his shoe lying by the road and gets an idea, "Quick, cover yourself up with my shoe and go find some help!" The girl decides no to argue and she runs find some help. She finds a gas station. She puts the shoe over her crotch and approaches a worker crying, "Help, help, my boyfriends stuck!" The worker sees the naked woman with the shoe over her crotch and asks, "How did he get that far in?!" |
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